everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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