Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize