His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
