"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
