And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
