so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
it was like eating out sand paper
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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