you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
