Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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