marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
