Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
