if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
