wrigley field is MILF paradise
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
