oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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