so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
