Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
