why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
