I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
