I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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