love makes seman taste better
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Randomize
