I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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