I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize