He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
