the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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