4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
