Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I could make wine with my vomit
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
