"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
