i used baking grease as lip gloss
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
