what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
