we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I want to be your penis for a week.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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