Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
