Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
