Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
