Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Is this like a preordered booty call?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Oh god it's open bar.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
