i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
