The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
