Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize