So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
