What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
