girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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