Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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