the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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