That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
