i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
