This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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