I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
