The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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