Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
