You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
