she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
