How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
