Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
