Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
