the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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