Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
