i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize