i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
