12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
