So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
