im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
