Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
