You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
