At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize