please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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