I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
