Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
