WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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