i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
