If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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