I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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