Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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