Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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